You are the Boss of Your Anxiety
Anxiety is a thief….a liar…and the unwanted guest that we wish would hit the road. It seemingly can take you captive physically and emotionally. It is an emotion so strong that it can leave us feeling like we might actually die. We often feel that we are enslaved to it, and it begins to control every facet of our lives. Have you ever changed plans due to the fear that anxiety will rear it’s ugly head? What about the countless hours of lost sleep because of it? Has anxiety held you back in your career, at school, in relationships, or in other areas of your life? Have you come to accept that it is part of your life, part of your DNA, and that nothing can be done? Why do we tell ourselves that this is something that we just have to put up with? I know what you are thinking…..”if I could do something about this I would! “
Anxious Thoughts are a Struggle
What if you could? It isn’t easy. It’s hard. It’s hard to break what is often a lifetime of struggle. It also may be something you must battle throughout your life, but you can win the battle. Ask yourself this question. If you knew that someone was a liar, couldn’t be trusted, and wasn’t a reliable source of information… would you listen to anything they said? Would you act as if what they told you were true, and live your life based on that? You probably wouldn’t. That’s what happens with our thought processes. Sometimes they become distorted and faulty. We begin listening to those thoughts, even when they don’t line up with truth, there isn’t any evidence supporting them, and they often go against logic and common sense. More importantly, we allow these thoughts to tell us things that we would never dream of saying to anyone else. But, somehow we accept it as truth within our own heads.
Things like: "You aren’t good enough. Everyone will laugh at you. You always fail. You annoy people. You always screw up. Nobody likes you. You are going to get fired if you make another mistake. Your husband will leave you eventually. You aren’t ever going to be a good parent, so your kids will be failures. Everyone is looking at you. You should be married by now like all of your friends are. You should be able to keep up with your home like other people. On…and on….and on….
Sound familiar? Notice some things above. EVERYONE….ALWAYS…..NOBODY….EVER…..SHOULD…. Those words all speak to extreme thinking. Anxiety tricks us into thinking like this, and it is often an automatic thought. We just think it and assume that it is true, and the thoughts snowball until we have convinced ourselves how bad things are, or how bad we are. But, what if we stop assuming these thoughts are true. We take a moment to examine our thoughts and essentially put them “on trial.” Ask yourself this:
“Is this an accurate thought”?
“What is the evidence I have to support this thought”?
“If I were talking to a friend experiencing these same thoughts would I have the same judgment for them? Or, am I treating myself with a much more harsh, even unrealistic standard, or setting a bar that is too high, or even unattainable”?
“Is there a solution for this worry, or something that I can do to ease this right now”?
Cast Off Anxiety
I suggest writing this out on paper, and if there is no solution, or nothing within your control at the moment, then rip the paper up and throw it away. Either the thought is irrational and blown out of proportion, or it is something you can’t control, must lower your standards, or change your perspective on. Ripping the paper up and throwing it away represents letting the thoughts go. Each time the thought returns remind yourself this thought is irrational, not proven to be true, or there is nothing that I can do about it. Instead of just listening to the thoughts actively work to examine them, solve what you can, and take the rest out with the garbage.
We can’t always control when the thoughts may pop into our heads, but we can control how we process those thoughts, and the meaning we assign those thoughts. Just because we think it doesn’t mean we need to believe it, act on it, or assume it is true. Does everyone really think this negative thought about you? Probably not, as most people are too caught up in their own worries. Are you really a failure because you aren’t in a relationship? Would you tell that to a friend? Don’t you have value on your own? If your child made a mistake, or several, does that make you a failure as a parent? Or, are children people who also make mistakes and have to learn along the way. Will making a mistake at work really cause you to get fired? What are the positive things you do there? People are usually viewed as a total package by others, and not only known by their mistakes. If you have been a good employee overall, then that is more than likely the value you hold to those you work with. We look in the mirror and see our flaws while often others see the wonderful traits we possess.
Show your anxious thoughts who the real boss is. You are the captain of your ship. Do not be afraid of the thoughts, but instead take control of them. Take action where you can, and work on letting the rest go and knowing you have what it takes to kick anxiety to the curb. It may take practice, but you can do it.